old people driving cars is the worst but since one day i will be an old driver maybe i should be nice but hopefully by then we will have self-driving hovercrafts so i wont even have to worry about that shit.
anyways, i don't understand why these old mother fuckers in front of me were rolling the way they were .... driving SO SLOW (8 cars in a row back up behind them) and not turning on red at an empty intersection ... but not wearing seat belts and not using turn signals. kinda fucks up the theory of them driving slow to be safe. of course, they may have just forgot about the turn signals (cause usually when they turn them on they forget to turn them off) and maybe their sensitive rib cages and collar bones cant take the pressure of the shoulder belt.
here is a show you can go to if you live in chapel hill, NC:
i wanted to do something to keep your eyes of that last lame post and make it seem like i actually do suff on here, and somehow the phrase "clear the air" came into my head which made me think of clear pepsi. let's reflect.
"i'm sweating, i love it, it's refreshing." great call! if you replace 'pepsi' with 'meth' it makes this a lot better. and speaking of clear:
wasn't that guy in AC/DC? he'z gonna get hiz azz kicked if he keepz talking like that. and speaking of azz:
cherry 7 up always had tight shit ....
so, did he, like, smile at all the ladies and then sit down with the plain girl? or was she on the same level as the other babes? i can't tell how they were trying to play that, i feel like she was supposed to be dull seeming (?) but the C7 made her hot. and then we realize at the end that her diet cherry 7 up is the yin to his regular cherry 7 up yang. and that's what love is all about. soft drinks. C7 has been re-introduced as an antioxidant-providing health soda. this is an actual line from the press release: "people want to fall in love with beverages" ... see what i mean?
so, in a fit of homesickness, i made plans to run off to budapest. for those that don't know, that is where my mom is from and where i get my exquisite bone structure. haha, we all know my face is ugly, but i got big eyeballs. anyways, i left brussels to spend a little more than 2 weeks here, thinking that family and friends would make me feel special. don't get me wrong, i LOVED brussels and all my great friends i made, really doe, and gino aka subtitle is my dog for life, there were no issues there, we were on a crev-life campaign that showed no signs of stopping. but for my own personal and depressive reasons, i felt very alone there so i thought that being in a familiar place with people that have known me since i was a baby would snap me out of it. i had no more shows on the horizon and had already accopmplished a lot in the brux, so why not?
i probably shouldn't have been in such a hurry. too late now.
as far as the place i am staying and the people i am staying with ... i am very lucky. the house is amazing, i don't even want to tell you how nice it is, and the couple i am with are super cool and have 2 very neat kids that are surprisingly not getting on my nerves, since i hate kids. which once again proves that being cute will get you anywhere, and that is why i have to work so hard all the time.
but my internet use is very limited which means less networking, no porn, and god dammit, no 21 Jump Street episodes on youtube, which has been my ecstasy pill for the past couple of weeks. i will write a 21 Jump Street blog later and also pub MY NEW ALBUM THAT JUST CAME OUT, but this is a semi-rant about budapest.
well, i guess what i want to say is that there seems to be no music scene here that has anything to do with what i do. i mean, there is hip hop, but it all seems to be really bad local stuff, and it seems also that very few american bands are coming around here. i mean, Fin Fang Foom and Auxes (2 NC bands that are great, but more on the brooding side of rock than on the dancing side of rap) had some gigs out here in the past years, but i'm just saying, scanning the upcoming show ads is hella bleak, whereas everywhere else that i have been has all types of banging shows coming up. i mean, not even dope euro acts seem to be coming through, it's not like i need to see american bands when i am europe, i'm talking dope PERIOD.
i am pissed because i tried to get up with these dudes that i rapped with 6 years ago. they were super cool and even invited me to perform with them at an event that was a Big Dada thing (sorry for the lack of links, too hard with this fucked up european laptop i am having to use right now) but i couldnt go because of some family shit. imagine my shock when i found out that these SAME DUDES were playing at the SAME VENUE only 3 days after my arrival. i was stoked. but this wack mother fucking DJ, who if he doesn't reply to my myspace messages in the next bit WILL GET SHIT ON by me on this blog, did not have the courtesy to hit me back in any capacity.
whatever.
i am on some different shit out here. i am writing and writing, with 4 new songs done, mostly produced by subtitle (with more on the way if i hunker down and figure out ableton which everyone says is easy, and to me is like trying to build a space station from paper clips and straws). i am pretending that i am a WRITER writer and am trying to complete a short story (losing steam fast, tho). i drink beer all day. i take bikram yoga classes. i sit in a sauna. i stare out the window. i take baths. i read. i don't smoke weed and smoke very few cigarettes. i play with kids.
the women here are still the best, tho. my yoga teacher the other day was so ridiculous, i mean, i was gasping for air the second she walked in the room. you don't see a lot of women put together like this in the States. the ass-hip-boo ratio is really intense.
i have always had fun here, but my head was in a different place, and most of the people i used to kick it with have kids now, i was always the baby, and now that i'm all grownz up, most of the folks are pretty settled down. the city is kind of far from where i am, so i am like this weird hermit, which is something that comes pretty natural for me, but its harder without shooting up the internet drug as much as usual.
understand: budapest may well be one the most beautiful cities i have ever seen. but i been all over it, on many occasions. i'm spoiled, yes, and i am not 'complaining' despite what it may sound like, i know i am lucky to be here, but i am OBSERVING. like, when's the last time you heard about a band coming out of budapest?
but i did learn about this guy, basically hungary's number one singer/songwriter type, the best there ever was. this song made people kill themselves. seriously. it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. resist your urge to clown what this guy looks like, how wacky hungarian sounds, and how it looks like his hands arent even touching the guitar half the time, and just sink into what a dark, beautiful, bad-fucking-ass song this is.
so, however it happened, i have got drunk off absinthe 3 days in a row. at no point have i experienced waking hallucinations, but looking back on the nights, they are definitely swimmy, ya know?
last nite, my friend who has the scooter had a bunch of us over for dinner and it was really cool. he made amazing food, i talked to my new homey from miami, armando aka alpha 606, about girls and MMA fighting and we all watched funny youtube videos and cut up. earlier that day i recorded a dirty miami bass song (and another synthy dance rap where the hook is "i see girls in the sky like a space cadet") with this dude. it was a good day. so why am i so depressed all the time? who knows.
anyways, the last 2 nites, like the nite before, was filled with totally fucked up dreams. i really see how it worked for these painters who were strung out on that shit, cause if i could paint the things i have seen in my dreams, it would indeed be "surrealist" .... (PS i haven't been smoking weed, and i think i heard people say that they had crazy dreams when they quit smoking, but i smoked a bunch during the day of "day 1" of my crazy nightmares, so i wouldn't exactly hypothesize that could be a reason, i only just stopped on that particular day, cause of the McDonald's thing i may or may not blog about.)
2 nites ago i dreamt (dreamed?) i was on an airplane, sitting in the only seat that was OUTSIDE the plane. and not, like, on top of the wing, but underneath the plane, like to the side kinda, i could look down and see the fucking ground, feel wind ripping through me ... i was buckled up and in a seat, but i was outside the goddamn plane. at one point, i looked to the side and could see down the aisle into the plane (which didn't seem to be experiencing any cabin pressure problems) ... there were other seats, i just happened to be in the only one that wasn't actually in the plane. i was able to convince the flight crew to let me switch to an inside seat. later, the plane was flying super low, right above a highway, and the wing hit a concrete wall and the plane spun out of control ... we didn't crash but we spun all around up into the sky, it was scary.
last nite, amongst other madness, i dreamed this:
first, Joan Rivers was propositioning me for sex.
we were in a dark bedroom sitting on a bed, and i knew something was going down. i remember thinking that i was down for a blow job, but i didn't want to go all the way, but i was far less turned off than i should have been, i may have actually been the opposite. i make a reference to something and she says "don't worry, we're gonna fuck." i leave the room or detach or something for a sec and then she is naked, sitting on the side of the bed, all wrinkly and covering her saggy breasts with her hands and she has some kind of half-apron thing over her lower half, like covering her up a little, i figure because she is self-conscious of her older body. i lay down with my shirt off and she starts giving me a back rub. that scene pretty much ends right there.
later, i am looking in a mirror and popping all these whiteheads on my face with a needle. there is one on the right side of my face, sort of where my chin ends and cheek begins, and its kinda big, and i end up digging out a tiny mountain of a zit, which leaves a small, bloody hole in my face, maybe about the size of the tip of my pinky. i look at it in the mirror and it looks pretty gross. i go about whatever i am doing for the next bit, and the hole doesn't stop looking bloody, and seems to grow over time. later, i am looking in the mirror again. the hole is now the size of a quarter and is basically healed all around, like a stretched earlobe without the plug in.. i have my mouth open and i can see daylight passing through the hole, i can actually see through the hole into my surroundings.
later, my friend chuck that i haven't talked to in a long time, seems to have a boat, but it is in a giant swimming pool that has all these weird wires running around part of it. i want to kick it with him on the boat, but there are some other dudes horsing around on the deck of the boat and they seem to be yelling at me in a condescending way. so i storm off, on the pier that i appear to be on. for whatever reason, i am wearing a small stars-n-stripes bathing suit and have a stars-n-stripes bandanna tied around my head. maybe i miss america.
i have been on an absinthe quest since i got to europe. i don't know that i have ever really drank the real thing, there was one time maybe but i don't really remember it well.
now, they have absinthe at a lot of bars here, but not the original. they DO have wormwood content in them, but it is very, very low. i drank some on my birthday in brussels and felt kinda kooky, and had absolutely wacko dreams that night, but i was sick and drinking a lot during the day so i don't really know how much of that could have been from the absinthe.
i got a real bottle in amsterdam yesterday. i drank a decent amount, some in hot tea, and then some pretty much just straight up. the lady at the store said you don't exactly hallucinate, per se. whatever. it happens to also be very high in alcohol.
if anyone saw my ramblings on facebook, twitter, or my blog (see below) you will note that i seemed to turn into one of these: meow
i would say i was definitely "drunk" but in a surreal kind of way. i didn't smoke any weed or anything because i almost passed out earlier that day in a Mickey D's, but that will be my next blog. but i did have absolutely LONG, mysterious, intense crazy dreams. and i can't remember them all, but here a few images. i imagine if i drank, say, twice as much, my waking state could have very well evolved into these. ha, maybe if i had STAYED awake, since after some weird crev shit, i just passed out. some things i saw/went through:
- a little tiny alien/fuzzy creature type guy, there were actually 2 of them but i can't remember what the other looked like. he was cute (couldn't really see his face, kinda like one of these guys...?)
and maybe 10 inches or so tall, wearing a purple outfit, fleece, almost like a snuggie, but it was clothes. and a hat of the same material. we were kind of communicating like one would with a little cat (he didn't speak, maybe made little noises). he was on a table and then i accidentally struck him to floor. he was getting up, and i swear i knocked his pants kind of off because i noticed him putting them back on .... before attacking me like a savage and locking teeth into my arm, at which point i felt a terrible burning pain, i was thrashing around trying to get him off, it was making me pass out. i don't think i was alone at the time, but i don't remember what happened.
-seeing danny devito and rhea perlman (i assume) riding by on bikes in what was maybe downtown LA.
-flying through the air, amongst clouds made of fabric until i hit the "ceiling" which was also fabric-cloud material.
-being forced to live with this awful strange family that had some either weird molester or mormom-type arrangement going on. i have no idea why i was there.
-having no head, and seeing my body 3rd person as a weird torso, with a plastic cup holder where my neck would be, and thinking the thoughts that would come with this .... wanting to say something but realizing "okay, i can't speak without a head. okay, i will just think thoughts. but how can i think without a head? but i am thinking right now." etc. it was totally fucked.
gaZie mon frer in the asylyim phiilime gets me off this island crane neck same teck fane feign sex got damn reks xoxoue exrecsie my polyoaihsdflkjhbjkr
this blog has become more something i do when i don't have anything else to do, so it may seem that i am having loads of fun doing all kinds of neat things everyone else wishes they were doing. i am not saying that is not true, but i AM saying that "being lazy" qualifies as something to do, therefore, whatever that means, henceforth, i only blog when there is NOTHING else to do. i have even been reading lately. not archie comics, i guess, is what i mean by "reading".
yesterday i finally got a workout in, a "save the guns" program started by myself, where i am the only sponsor and participant in the sack race during the "fun day fundraiser" that i threw up here in the attic in brussels where i am currently staying. i did 3 sets of pushups and then 3 sets of chair dips and 3 more sets of push ups and then 3 more sets of chair dips. then i did some sets of lifting/extending type things with a small crate of records. then i did some more push ups. i didn't do any ab stuff because my homey in the room below, pablo, was chillin and i didn't want him to think i was masturbating furiously from the creaking floorboards as i did sit ups, though he might have already been thinking that after hearing the grunting and pacing about that occurs during both my workout AND masturbatory routines. the whole time i was exercising i was watching "a bully gets his ass kicked" type footage on youtube after gino showed me this clip, which is pretty gawl damn amazing. this is the short version, basically the shirtless kid talks SO MUCH shit, while sleeveless kid says that he doesn't want to fight. this beatdown is seriously incredible, dude picked the wrong kid to fuck with. watch!!!!
i went and hung with a hip hop group from belgium, probably the best one in this area, called L.E.G. (we played with them the other night) and smoked like 3 dubs with the producer homey who doesn't speak english and had a rousing chat with the MC about music and hip hop and rap and hopefully convinced him that he should def do a rap over the beat we christened "the miami song" and maybe even to let me sing my painful-to-the-ear R & B hook over it. well, maybe not that part, but yo, you should def fuck with that song you guys!! hopefully i will get to record a verse on the one they had picked out for me, which was fuckin killer, their main producer is a monster, and the MC is really, really wicked.
i rode through the streets on the back of my homeboy's scooter which was super fun and terrifying at the same time. he shouted back to ask me if i felt safe, and i said i did, and that was right before we came to an intersection that seemed to have 9 things converging at once, like, a motorcycle, a car, a bus, an old lady with shopping bags, a horse, a trolley, a tram, an above-ground metro car, all current members of Los Lobos, a fruit stand, a milk truck, and a military tank. somehow he guided us through it all without dumping me off. fortunately, i was kind of drunk on the way back so i could block out all that stuff.
trying to think of all that has happened worth mentioning, i got pics and videos and stuff, let's see what we can do here .... in no particular order ....
- drank absinthe with gino on my 30th birthday in brussels. we decided there wasn't any wormwood in it so we would not get all crazy, etc. had a couple glasses, went home, hit a spliff a few times, and then went to bed since i had been pretty sick with a nasty cold. i swear i had the most fucked up in-and-out-of-sleep waking nightmares/visions for a while, to the point of me being like "there had to be SOMETHING in dat shiiiii" and in the morning i looked up the brand and they def had wormwood up in that bitch. gino didn't seem to trip off it, but i am half his size and sick and weak and probably drunker so, ya know, whatever. one dream was trying to pour water in this baby's mouth and i just couldn't do it. side note: the baby belonged to my homegirl missy thangs. she don't got no baby in real life, tho. aw man, weird omen? i swear i am not the father. (haha, just fucking with you, kiddo, you not even reading this.)
- show in The Hague was cool, this couple could not stop making out and i fucked with them a bunch, danced on them and got all up in their shit ... their passion could not be quelled. here is a vid of me blowing a loud ass horn right in their fuckin heads and not getting a reaction at all:
i need to stress how loud that horn was, you can see a guy in the crowd look screw-faced from it as i creep away, i guarantee you could hear that shit across the whole venue even with music blasting.
we played with the homeys schlachtofbronx from Munich and they were the shit and they got an EP out now with my homey spoek mathambo and you can download a rad mix of that shizz for free: belly full of pills mix
- one weird thing is that in Tilburg, both gino and i ran into friends from back home, both randomly. we were at the train station looking for our driver and gino looked on this one platform and came upon a girl he knew from LA, apparently a good old friend. she came and kicked it with us for a bit.
then, outside the after party for the festival, we are getting ready to leave at one point (we end up coming back for too damn long), i hear this girl yell "jose huevos!!" which i am not triping on (the "jose" part) because who the fuck really knows me out here, but the way they yell it sounds too american ... turns out it is this girl i know from carrboro, north carolina! we aren't super tight or anything but we have danced together at several parties and always got along. it was too crazy for us to both run into people like that in a town that i can't say that i have ever really heard of before. she had a friend with her from greensboro who knew a lot of people that are friends of mine, it was cool to be plastered in a bar so far from home, with this guy 10 feet away, talking about all types of NC shit.
so i was in europe exactly this same time last year. bout to turn 30 out here which raises those "what in the fuck am i doing with my life?" type thots but also makes me feel like i am "doing it" whatever the fuck it is.
i think my album TREASURE BATH comes out on the 20th.
right now i am in an attic room thing in a tall house-thing in brussels and trying to get started on the blog game again in the hopes that i will keep this up but based on how motivated i am to do this (not much) we'll see how it goes. some really rad folks put us up. we play in the netherlands tomorrow and then back to brussels and then back to the netherlands. and then back to the beach with annette funicello or however the fuck you spell that, go mickey mouse club, eat skippy. what?
the show in paris last nite at glazart was fun, i met a girl who knew L in Japanese when he was out here, the homeys Comic Strip (not linking everything like i used to, if you care, you will find shit) opened up and killed it, uptempo beats with some electro vibe to it so i didn't feel weird about going next. blew the plug for my vocal effector during soundcheck so i had to do a straight up "i'm a rapper" set (since i don't have any of my disco lights, either) which was a welcome change from my usual antics. the shirt came off for the last song but more for ceremonial reasons (?) than anything else. subtitle came right through after me and provided crazy bass as per usual.
here are dudes in the "fake" outside since some of these plants are plastic and what not, this picture is called "nature locs" by me because clearly we are nature locs. we listen to tone loc and talk about bushes and leaflets and rocks.
i filmed videos and stuff of backstage nonsense but i did it on a better video setting and they are just too big to post on this durn things so maybe i try to do some smaller sized ones.
so we stayed in a nice hotel room that had, like, one towel but a full set of dishes and a dishwasher and nice looking furniture and a view of the eiffel tower that was obstructed by buildings and grey clouds so it kind of just looked like some diesel cell phone tower or some alien outpost thing thing. the balcony sloped down and the shower was a slippery death slide but it was a room and not a couch, tho, big shouts to the homey Sax for taking me in and letting me eat tomatoes and bread at his house for a day and a half. good luck with the ID thing.
last anecdote: we get on the train to brussels, some lady with way too many kids that all seem to be the same age, i.e., too young to be on this fuckin train, is spread with her brood across our seats and another and is tripping and wont move and some other lady pretty pleases us to just sit somewhere else, which ends up not being terrible, but principle is principle or whatever, i'm sayin, them tickets is not cheap at ALL so gimme my shit, fuck your kids. sorry to all the "too many kid mommies" out there, but dont sit in my seat, sit in the one YOU paid for. sorry, i'm sweaty and tired from my ball and chain. (see last paragraph)
so we get to the train station which happens to be of the same name as the metro station we are supposed to meet our ride at. our phones are not working for various crev circumstances we do not understand. after 30 minutes of not knowing what the fuck to do, i convince some nice flemmish ladies to let me make a local call on their cell phone, while a certain rapper i may or may not be on tour with is 10 feet behind me, smoking a J of some killer chronic with a pair of slick looking latino dudes who got beers and a lot of questions for the jovial fella they are blazing with. the flemmish lady meanwhile is not very good at french or english and is having a tough time communicating with caroline (our friend who is scooping us), and said flemmish lady's friend just seems very disappointed with me. we realize that we are supposed to go to the METRO station of the same name, directions i basically ignored when i saw the name of the train station. we figure it out and make it to the place.
i might add that i am SPENT from rolling this gigantic suitcase around that apparently has some safety razors, a bottle of shampoo and a bottle of conditioner, some jeans, and the 95 t shirts i brought. gino has a colossal duffel bag right now the size of a baby elephant and the 2 of us are straight bearing crosses across the land. one of my wheels is slowly breaking, as is my will.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
brand new and FREE download from yours truly, a super fresh EP featuring the fav producers that i work with.
and while you are there, don't forget to cop my full length mixtape if you haven't already. there is also a gang of other free stuff for you to download from my record label, so don't be shy .... greed is good. stock up!
so yesterday i did the radio show with George Brazil i attempted to promote all over the internet. it had its rough spots but was pretty hype considering the set up and the fact that we had only one glorified practice beforehand that was peppered with chronic, champagne, random missions, and 5 hours of driving on my part. it was a good experiment for us debuting it like that on the radio.
there were some interesting moments for me that nite .....
i arrived still hashed-out feeling, looking for the mexican spot i'm meeting GB at. i come around a corner and hear an abbreviation of my gov't name being uttered ... i turn and see the homey L in Japanese, an OG of the chapel hill hip-hop scene.
he now lives in GSO. we palaver for a moment. he keeps staring at the many-shades-of-pink colored fabric creeping out of my shoes. i begin to question my latest obsession of wearing socks meant for little girls. they are just so comfortable in the summer, like they dont even exist, and they come in all these crazy colors and i get them for a dollar a pair at Roses and i had just bought those that day. the combination of that and my short shorts and backpack and water bottle with finger loop have me lookin like i don't know what, but i roll with it.
i get to the joint and i end up getting a miller lite in a small jar for $2.25 and then on the way out i see the special of a pint of shiner bock for $1.50. i got money in my wallet, but it annoys me for about 3 seconds until i realize that i prob would have got the miller lite anyway cause im just a freak like that.
i want to blaze but i got no piece. GB has some red bull colas, tho. aiight then. since i always have a knife on me, the alterations will be easy. and the contraption will be disposable.
i need to find a place outside the building to handle this but i am right in the middle of downtown GSO. i am feeling kinda edgy from my red bull. i leave the building bound for some empty courtyard i saw out the window and immediately hone in on the crev spot. i creep behind some electrical boxes or whatever, and based on the all the cig butts and candy wrappers i am not the first person to hang back here. it's totally the type of place i would piss, i am seriously one of the best public urinators that i know. anyways, i expect to see someone smoking crack and/or drinking listerine back there, but no one pops up and asks me for a favor.
i do what i needed to do and stomp the can.
GB djs for a bit and is on point. we do the show. hilarity ensues, at least for us. afterwards, the program director comes in and sees me standing there with my shirt off, sweating. i needed to get into character, i guess. he has seen me play before so it is not as awkward as it could have been.
we actually get 2 calls from california, different dudes, both who tuned in and dug it. i speak to one for a minute. he seems inspired, which is turn inspiring for me. reachin em. briefcase represent.
i want to catch one again before i drive home. i rinse out GB's red bull can and get ready for round 2. this time i am posted in my car parked on the street. its dark outside now. i lean back in my seat, clocking for cars HARD. i feel secure and get one and then go for another and swear that i am in the middle of some crev business as a cop drives by me hella slow. i do that thing where you hold it in and hold still as fuck and wait for them to drive past and then i exhaled. they keep going mad slow and after a sec, appear to be turning around. i crush the can in my hand, toss it out the window, and haul ass into some neighborhood i know nothing about. i am wigged out and pull over at one point to toss my backpack with illicit horseradish jar in the trunk. a series of turns and a phone call with GB later, i am back on the road.
i recently broke my ipod connector-tape-thingy by getting out the car with my ipod in my lap and breaking off the thing that you plug into the ipod. what do you call that anyway? do i know and just can't remember? so i been listening to straight up tapes lately (guns n roses and voivod). i start rewinding my Use Your Illusion 2 tape and about halfway through, my stereo loses its cool and spits the tape out. what has apparently happened is that the tape deck part has gone nuts and froze up and the radio cannot be turned off. fortunately, i have figured out how to turn the stereo down again. for a while no matter what direction you turned it, it just got louder and louder. but now, if i crank it really hard to the side, i can get it to turn down. after 20 minutes of loud radio rap, i decide i have had enough and turn it down completely.
huevos out.
PS George Brazil DJs on WUAG 103.1 in Greensboro, NC every other sunday nite from 7 - 10. they support me and you should support them.
thank you for your excellent design of hwy 85 in NC. you are an inspiration to us all. i am so glad that you set up a system of confusing highway exits so that a normal commuter such as myself who has driven the same route thousands of times still gets lost on the way back from downtown durham. fortunately, you have made it so that when one DOES miss their exit, they get the benefit of cruising miles and miles without any hope for redemption. nothing like passing the day with big rigs and power lines with no chance for escape. missing an exit could/should/would be considered the fault of the driver, sure, but as a reward for our stupidity, you have given us clueless motorists the benefit of NO MOTHER FUCKING EXITS until we are deep in the heart of what may or may not be hillsborough. i would love to meet you (y'all?) in person and shake your hands and pat your backs and give you money and hookers and bottles of champagne because i truly love you and i have no desire at all to shoot you in the fucking face for the number of times i have had a fucking coronary for being "lost at sea" on your god damn fucking stupid stupid stupid prison of a fucking road. fuck you fuck you fuck you, and i mean that with the best of intentions. may your lives feel like one long and endless journey, much like the one you have created for the citizens of North Carolina.
so my homey mild davis put me on the 2008 wrap up, which if you don't know what it is, just watch this, the MC formerly known as Mad Skillz doin his rundown of the antics of the previous year (he been doing these for a while now, last year's was AWESOME) .... anyways, i heard the track before i saw this video and i had to google half the things he was talking about ....
i can't believe that ME of all people had no idea about the Soulja Boy/Ice T beef thing .... i like both those guys, honestly, but even though Ice T IS an old ass man, that guy HAS made so many contributions to the game, you can't knock him even though he did make Cop Killer and now he plays one on TV, that's hustlin right?!?!? shouts to all the SVU fans!!! (and speaking of hustlin, peep the video below ..... me and the homey Crash Overdrive from b.e.a.r. doing big thangs, the vid is dark, but you will get the idea) but what inspired me to write this blog is this quote from Kanye ... this is the exact same shit i say to people everyday, not so much the comparing Soulja Boy to Nas part, um yeah, but the general bullet point of "ain't no fuckin rules to this shit" .... it's 2009 mother fuckers!!!!
“Soulja boy is fresh as hell and is actually the true meaning of what hip hop is sposed to be. He came from the hood, made his own beats, made up a new saying, new sound and a new dance with one song. He had all of America rapping this summer. If that ain’t Hip Hop then what is? A bunch of wannabe keep it real rappers that ain’t even relevant, recycling samples trying to act like it’s 96 again and all they do is hate on new shit? Niggas always talk about the golden age but for a 13 year old kid, this is the golden age!!! That song was so dope cause everything he said had a hidden meaning… that’s Nas level shit… he just put it over some steel drums which is also some Nas shit if you had the 2nd album cassette with the bonus track “Silent Murder” on it. In closing… new niggas get ya money$$$$$$$$$$ Keep this shit fresh and original…. ain’t no fuckin’ rules to this shit and that’s what real hip hop is to me”
so as i freak out about my life and what i'm doing and should i move to europe or LA or just kill myself, i am starting to go through my "shit" and determine what i really need to keep and what i need to throw out/give away/burn (oh the poems i wrote in high school, i was so delicate) and yesterday i came across a very heavy box full of my collected baseball cards and stamps (the Garbage Pail Kids are somewhere else, though i am happy to say i still have the ENTIRE first series in mint condition if anyone wants to pony up, like, a couple G's or something for it - and that's "thousands", not "gangsters") and yeah, the box fell to the floor and spilled so i had to go through everything as i put it away, duh, so for serious, there are baseball cards in there that used to be worth $$$ and now no one gives a FUCK!!! remember this one?
what did this fucker do again? cork his bat? and what about this one?
that joint used to have mad trading weight!! now it's garbage. it was listed at 17.95 on one site, which is actually a lot better than i thought it would be, but still, that shit used to cardboard gold to collectors! way to go, you juicer fuck. i have a 1961 willie mays that is only, like, 40 bucks! less i think, i can't even remember!!! why am i saving this shit!!! barry bonds, frank thomas .... skybox basketball cards!! remember those??? rookies for vlade divac, david robinson, shawn kemp ... the david robinson card is 3 bucks!!! "buy it now" for three fuckin buxxxxx ... the fact alone that i have had something in a shoe box since 1990 should make it more than three bucks ... a used tissue from 1990 should be worth more than 3 bucks, that's almost 20 years old!!! it's a fuckin antique!! don't even get me started on the comic books .... everyone wants to slap the shit out of their mom for throwing away that box in the attic with the Nolan Ryan rookie, but why? cause you could have sold it for a million dollars and retired from your job as a copy machine repair man? no way, dude, no one cares. brooks robinson, warren spahn, robin roberts, the eric davis rookie, the rod carews, the mother fuckin will clarks and the carl yaztremskis (sp?) and the error cards and the, uh, i dunno, remember when kirk gibson hit that grand slam or some shit and he was hype for a second, mother fuckin 1986 o-pee-chee Wally Joyner .... apparently my tony gwynn rookie is worth about 40 but i can never find it, wonder if i traded it for bitch ass ken griffey, ruinyourcarrer.
of course, it would be in total Jonny G fashion for me to have all the cards that just don't make it into that first tier, hence all my collections, i was always just not quite good enough or willing to spend the money for the real bangers, always a wannabe faking it like i knew what i was doing, much like the music "career" i seem to have fooled some of y'all that i possess when in reality i am no different than the kid trying to trade his Devon Whites and Willie McGees for Reggie Jacksons and Roberto Clementes .....
where's your dick? here is a classic freestyle from the famed Living Dead days with the scoundrel Jake Dead (Jake Flex at the time, and still to some) .... no link cause our myspace hasn't been updated in at least 2 years or more ..... we think this is from 2004. this was also when i lived with Uncle Tane, supreme godfather of the Nodcraft Foundation.
i don't think someone had suggested this topic, i think i just went with it ... this is at the old Go! Studios space (did it have that exclamation point in the title? looks so, you know, Panic! At The Disco or whatever the fuck ....)
notice what an MC i am, what with all the hand moving and crooked tan hat wearing ... and the rampant cussing and arrogant MC-on-a-freestyle-tirade voice .... oh, and to think what i have become..... runnin around like a lil fruity dance party kid, my one-balled package smooshed into some scandalously tight jeans, my hi-tops more and fitted hats so much more expensive than my khakis and shelltoes .... i bet some loyal hip hop dudes driving around listening to Hieroglyphics would love to kick me in the shins with their Timbalands ... the sad thing is, i'll still rap so much better than them. sucks, doesn't it?
(ha, i just wrote that to be funny because i don't even care anymore .... i make music. fuck being hard.)
oh gmail, i love you so. whenever i have to email somebody something and they still have a yahoo or hotmail or earthlink (????) account, i just feel sorry for them and their puny, unorganized inboxes. anyways, recent searches through old emails have turned up some gems of correspondence.
10/26/07 - here is an email from me to Pink Motor Monster Uno Dose aka Shane from the Dynamite Brothers. (sorry Mickey, those were tougher times, hit me on my boost mobile and we can talk about it.)
read the bully i just posted off the page .... yeah, saw those emails, we'll see, one of those bytches is fine as fuck! fuck mickey avalon! i met this band Arizona workin at 506, one of the dudes listened to my myspace page, heard the mickey avalon line and said he wasn't fit to lick the jizz crust off my toilet seat! but yeah, no need to convince me, let's recruit em, all day, bo!!! PS male cheeerleaders would be nuts, but don't know how we are going to pull that one off ......
12/06/05 - here is an email to a girl i used to really love and now i want to "accidentally" push off a roof onto something that will cushion her fall enough to just make it hurt really bad and i think she is getting married and i don't "wish her the best" at all but really, i'm just jaded because she doesn't/didn't fall for my shit like other girls do and the one time i could have really given it to her i was WAY too stoned and nervous and young and dumb, so who's fault is that? mine, totally. still, she's a bitch. here is something from an email about her butt, and in it (the email, not her butt) i swear that i "read this on the internet" and i even provide a link (that doesn't work anymore) but to know me and read this ..... it is obvious that i wrote it though i have no recollection of the context. (editor's note: she really does have a super sweet butt, tho.) the subject heading was "8 uses for your ass" and here is the list:
1. pillow
2. oxygen mask
3. bean bag chair
4. tomahawk (?)
5. hand strengthener (kneading mode only)
6. ED visual aid
7. big brother/sister
8. mittens
10/19/08 - as i was lookin for a link to "jizz in my pants", everyone's favorite PMM rip-off (if you don't know what i mean by that, one day i will explain how Pink Motor Monsters are the most influential group that no one beyond 6000 - 7000 myspace friends ever heard of, and yet steered the course of modern dance music), i found a funny email. (editor's note: coincidentally, that was also how i found the first email mentioned here, hence the rampant use of the word "jizz" in this post) here is an excerpt:
i did make my train, but it was soooooo frustrating this morning. there was like a marathon or some race or community running thing goin up the street, people with bike shorts and numbers on their backs and guards (?) or cops or whoever directing traffic, and every once in a while some bearded freak dressed all in black with a huge backpack joggin along with them (never for very far), huffing and puffing and reeking of beer and jizz and 2 days worth of sweaty t shirt. you were right, the walk/jog DID seem like a VERY long time ..... i prob got to gare de lyon at 11:45 .... gino basically said "you got here right when she said you would." he also asked if i Supermanned you. i just said, "ha" or something like that and continued my very fast walk to the train cause i wanted to go to the bathroom.
ok folks, stay tuned for more blogs like this and some more music promo action soon, as well as a link that will blow your mind .... all in the next week, right here on
holy shit kaff kaff when will it stop? if you ever read the homey gino's blog, you will know that life in saint-etienne and maybe just france/europe in general is hard on the LUNGS. recording and partying and performing in the crevvest of buildings and breathing spores left behind by the body snatchers will have vines growin in your chest cavity, not to mention the tobacco use of 7 sugar cane slicing cubans on top of dehydrating coffee with every meal and hash ciggies being chased by said tobacco usage ... its hard out there for a cilium. anyways, i thought my return to Tobacco Road would still be enough (proportionately) to provide some relief but i guess so far i have just not been able to ease up enough on the inhalants ... but a trip to the doc leads me to believe i might live as long as i take some antibiotics, i.e., "we protect you by killing you over time" so you know, maybe i can at least make it to the premiere of my first music video directed by hype williams' daughter on MTV 7 and then i can die in peace, with all the girls i've written songs about in white robes standing around me while a grey-bearded sadat x reads me the last rites just because i like his voice and i paid him a lot and his manager explained all that to him as he rides in the hover-taxi on the way over and asks "tell me why the fuck we are doing this again?"
i was the only white person in my crew and one of very few in the building ....
holy shit, i had the best fully nude time ever. i will never go to no stiff-ass, flat-booty-ass, no-contact-makin-ass, stupid-bouncer-lookin-at-me-for-touchin-a-thigh-ass, 7-dollar-house-rum-and-coke-ass strip club ever again. keep it crev, y'all, and check this place out when you got some money to burn and are looking to let off some steam, because these ladies will make sure that you leave with an empty coin purse.
i would go into great detail about my night at this establishment, but i think that it is best that i don't. however, i have never felt more like Gucci Mane in my life (i did not link Gucci up as i would have liked cause i can't find the funny old version of the "freaky gurl" video that he did in a strip club for what looks like a 1000 bucks) ..... really doe.
i don't know how i JUST heard this song for the first time in richmond on my friend's radio television thing .... or WHY i didn't know about it (tho i can hear my friend Lockjaw being like "fool, i sent you that mp3 like 5 years ago you herb!!!!) ..... or why someone just uploaded the only version of this on youtube that i can find .... but .... y'all ma fuckaz need to hear this song.
i was getting dressed in the morning and i swear i almost fell over as this came on because i thot it was just the LL Cool J song .... say what??!?!? who the fuck is this female version of Schooly D (seriously, listen to this song, they rap exactly the same) ????? anyways, its Leshaun and the group is 2 Much. the song is super dirty and funny and that synth line is worth a mint. i think they got her on the LL version, tho, but i doubt that is her in the VIDEO ....
so i got a mixtape out of some classic tracks and some semi-new ish ... the idea being that this is a mixtape presented to you as a fliptape. there are 15 tracks on this that are all songs you probably know and love (except for a few random crev joints), chopped up and re-arranged by me so that i can rap over the them or say something clever using someone else's words. (note: angel flip was produced by subtitle in a cold, grey region of france.)
i flip a gang of my favorite artists including prince (of course), radiohead, depeche mode, and wolf parade. i even flip kelly clarkson's since u been gone.
yeah, i like that song, fuck you.
so i play synth on a couple and the always electric jake dead spits a verse on f so pretty.
download that mafucka for FREE right here-------> FLIPTAPE
and speaking of free downloads, my whole label clique got all types of records you can cop on our site, and while you're there you can check out our ridiculous blog.
if you know me (read: well) then you would know that i am plagued by dreams featuring celebrities. perhaps this is from growing up in hollywood and reading so much people magazine that it was featured in the title of my first album ..... yeah, that's probably it. there have been such classics as snorting coke in a hotel room with alec baldwin (that we were being held prisoner in) and the one where i was having dinner with a group of people that for some reason included courtney cox and anthony hopkins. i have had sex dreams featuring myself and actual porn stars, and i have been james bond in a dream before. i am a nerd. anyways, last nite i dreamed that i was dating (and riding around in a vehicle with, she drove) britney spears (she looks good, tho!! like she does in this video, but i had never seen that until right now) and we are making out here and there and i got my hand on her thigh in the car (truck?) and then later we are hooking up and she is giving me a hand job and i wake up to my clock radio ... russ parr as usual on K97.5 ......
things were just getting good but there was some weird dream stuff going down with it, like "huh?"-type shit, but anyways ... i need to get up cause i got shit to do and i got the clock radio playing like i said and they come back from commercial and this old jay-z/pharrell/n.e.r.d./whatever song comes on, like "so and so likes to smoke la la la la" you know that shit, anyways, i have never been a real jay-z fan, i can say "yeah, yeah, he ripped that" or whatever but i have never been a fan, i just was never willing to give it up for him like so many people seem to do. he seemed over-rated and just plain smarmy all the damn time. but seeing as how i was trapped there waiting for my britney spears-induced hard on to go away so i could piss and that the speaker in the radio doesn't give u a whole lot more to pay attention to than lyrics .... i was forced to listen to jay ... damn, that mother fucker is good!!!! plus, i hear things in his style that i might have scoffed at in the past, but i totally do now, like weird rhyme-ings of the same word and shit like that. i was stoked.
back when i was a hard-headed rapper and lived with the homey Uncle Tane, we had this Winnie The Pooh suit that i happened to don on a few occasions. we often fimed these episodes .... here is one of me being mauled by Tane's large and boisterous boxers, Boo and Knucks, in the backyard.
the best part of the Pooh suit was that it had a button you could push that would make it say "i've got a rumbly in my tumbly" .... a line i still use to this day.
be sure to go to the nodcraft site to order all types of fresh gear (including CREV options), graf DVDS, and more.
okay okay okay i am inspired to get back on the blog mission here since homeys that were not quite as active as late on theirs seem to be getting on it. i am particularly inspired by my man gino getting back in the blog game, because he is one of the people i always talked to about it, like "shit is too crazy, how can i write about everything?" ....... but it seems like he is getting ready to hit y'all via the tech-know blog so make sure you check that out.
as for me? lawdy. grind city. sick town. babe land. last one maybe in my head. just cause i am talking to girls all the time does not make me a mack, i am more of a shoulder to cry on than a d**k to ride but at least i don't hang out with dudes all the time. i was lucky enough to have a very nice lady by my side as i experienced the worst stomach flu EVER, a week that i would like to think of as my own version of Love In The Time Of Cholera even tho i have no idea what that is about, i didn't even read the link i just set up, i am just assuming it about people being romantic while someone has diarrhea. my experience was more of the "absolutley insane violent futuristic vomiting" type tho my ass did leak some as to be expected. highlights of my experience include throwing up neon-yellow mucous/stomach bile on my hands and knees on mulch pile in a hotel parking lot and spending 3-4 hours in the ER on christmas eve. (the ghost of Anthony Edwards was there, i told him to get the fuck out of here) ...... seriously, throwing up made me feel like this guy ... replace old man with a toilet and the alley with pink tile and this is a pretty accurate depiction of what it was like.
(stop clicking it, it doesn't do anything)
anyways, said lady was very sweet and managed to stay by my side through it all even though we had only really hung out twice before it all began ... i will respect her privacy by not setting up a link to her myspace page as i would usually do, but just let me tell y'all that she was/is an angel, because anyone who would go out with someone for the first time on a friday and then take them to the hospital and stick their dick in a bottle so they can pee on the following wednesday is a pretty rad person. amen.
but one good thing did come out of christmas - my video for "mary christmas"
filmed and edited entirely in one day. don't ask me why i am finally posting this a week into january ....
part-time blogger, full-time space cadet, full-time rapper, record label starterer, briefcase rocker, terrible parallel parker. never been a sucker so don't play me like no lollipop.
