from my email archives ....

oh gmail, i love you so. whenever i have to email somebody something and they still have a yahoo or hotmail or earthlink (????) account, i just feel sorry for them and their puny, unorganized inboxes. anyways, recent searches through old emails have turned up some gems of correspondence.

10/26/07 - here is an email from me to Pink Motor Monster Uno Dose aka Shane from the Dynamite Brothers. (sorry Mickey, those were tougher times, hit me on my boost mobile and we can talk about it.)

read the bully i just posted off the page .... yeah, saw those emails, we'll see, one of those bytches is fine as fuck! fuck mickey avalon! i met this band Arizona workin at 506, one of the dudes listened to my myspace page, heard the mickey avalon line and said he wasn't fit to lick the jizz crust off my toilet seat! but yeah, no need to convince me, let's recruit em, all day, bo!!! PS male cheeerleaders would be nuts, but don't know how we are going to pull that one off ......

12/06/05 - here is an email to a girl i used to really love and now i want to "accidentally" push off a roof onto something that will cushion her fall enough to just make it hurt really bad and i think she is getting married and i don't "wish her the best" at all but really, i'm just jaded because she doesn't/didn't fall for my shit like other girls do and the one time i could have really given it to her i was WAY too stoned and nervous and young and dumb, so who's fault is that? mine, totally. still, she's a bitch. here is something from an email about her butt, and in it (the email, not her butt) i swear that i "read this on the internet" and i even provide a link (that doesn't work anymore) but to know me and read this ..... it is obvious that i wrote it though i have no recollection of the context. (editor's note: she really does have a super sweet butt, tho.) the subject heading was "8 uses for your ass" and here is the list:

1. pillow

2. oxygen mask

3. bean bag chair

4. tomahawk (?)

5. hand strengthener (kneading mode only)

6. ED visual aid

7. big brother/sister

8. mittens

10/19/08 - as i was lookin for a link to "jizz in my pants", everyone's favorite PMM rip-off (if you don't know what i mean by that, one day i will explain how Pink Motor Monsters are the most influential group that no one beyond 6000 - 7000 myspace friends ever heard of, and yet steered the course of modern dance music), i found a funny email. (editor's note: coincidentally, that was also how i found the first email mentioned here, hence the rampant use of the word "jizz" in this post) here is an excerpt:

i did make my train, but it was soooooo frustrating this morning. there was like a marathon or some race or community running thing goin up the street, people with bike shorts and numbers on their backs and guards (?) or cops or whoever directing traffic, and every once in a while some bearded freak dressed all in black with a huge backpack joggin along with them (never for very far), huffing and puffing and reeking of beer and jizz and 2 days worth of sweaty t shirt. you were right, the walk/jog DID seem like a VERY long time ..... i prob got to gare de lyon at 11:45 .... gino basically said "you got here right when she said you would." he also asked if i Supermanned you. i just said, "ha" or something like that and continued my very fast walk to the train cause i wanted to go to the bathroom.

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ok folks, stay tuned for more blogs like this and some more music promo action soon, as well as a link that will blow your mind .... all in the next week, right here on

LIFE

IS

LIKE

MY

COCK

ON

CHOCOLATES!!!!!

good night, y'all.