Thursday, September 16, 2010

buy my beard.

at this year's Hopscotch Music Festival, beards may have been the #1 fashion accessory. i'm not talking about your fake girlfriend that makes you appear straight, i mean good ol' fashioned facial hair. sure, v-necks and tattoos still reign near the top, but there was never a better time to floss your pubic face than at the south's newest and best music fest. (editor's note: there was no sarcasm in that statement ---> Hopscotch was amazing.)

so. want a souvenir beyond your Hopscotch hospital bracelet or your Newcastle diarrhea? now is the time to procure your very own piece of history. Juan Huevos's beard, the very same beard he sported for 2 Hopscotch performances, is available on this blog for a limited time only.

whoa! check that thing out. it took a staff of 3 stylists to painstakingly remove the hairs one by one in order to return Huevos to the mustachioed visage you are most familiar with.

the beard was carefully stored in a Ziploc bag.

rather than do an auction that would no doubt push the price through the roof, Life Is Like My Cock On Chocolates is offering a special J Waves Beard Package for $14.95 (plus S & H) to the first person to respond to this ad. included with the prized beard hair is a copy of the latest Juan Huevos album, Treasure Bath. also included is a rare "J Waves" button and a letter J-shaped rainbow-colored Silly Band. OMG!!!!!

there is so much you can do with your brand new Juan Huevos bag o' beard hair: glue them to your own face! plant J Waves evidence at crime scenes! patch up that bald spot! contribute to a bird's nest! make a voodoo doll and/or shrine! it's up to you!!

there is only ONE of these to go around, so don't kick yourself by waiting. ORDER NOW!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

set list for the murdering (of feelings)

so what you guys might not know is that i totally shred on acoustic guitar. for this day party on friday i'm gonna be sittin on a stool and have a lil mic on a bendy thing in front of my guitar and i'm gonna have a beard and a gucci bandana and a cup of water by my side and i'm gonna make you laugh and cry and be like "aw man, i really identify with that!" and then you are going to buy all my merch and wear my pin and blog about how real i am. and then i am going to tour australia. here are the songs i will be playing:

Toothache Face
Underneath The Underlings
Vagina Sand
Kiss From A Rose (Seal cover)
Shack Of Shacks
Dry Sockets, Fat Pockets
Bizarre Love Triangle (Frente! cover)
Lord Of The Things
I Will Never Do Anything To Hurt You (Keith Sweat cover)

don't be a slouch, make it out.