four loko

so there has been a lot of buzz (pun intended) about this rebel yell of a drink called Four Loko. i am not going to be wasting any time and space on hipping you to what it is or the controversy that has surrounded it, you can do your own research. really, if you don't know what i'm talking about, why are you even reading a blog? anyways. i had never tried it before. i stopped on my way home from work and bought several cans.

to protect the innocent and guilty (you know who the f*ck i'm talking about anyways, don't you?) i will refer to my partners in crime as J (boy) and T (girl). T and I had plans to attend an event. J was on the couch, beer in hand, not lookin like he was goin anywhere. i cracked a can of Blue Razbbery flavor (can't remember if there was a "z" in the spelling, but it seems appropriate). glasses were poured. senses awakened. lips (particularly mine) started flapping. tongues were stained.

we kill the first round and crack the next can. Cranberry Lemonade. good for UTIs, they advertise. j/k. it goes down quick. blood is flowing. idle chatter becomes boisterous, 3 people often speaking all at once.

by the time we bust open the long-anticipated Watermelon flavor (not for the faint of heart, my dad thinks watermelon flavoring smells like corpses) it was time to go. J decides to join us. we load up styrofoam cups with Four Loko and ice (in the spirit of Huston, Texas or Lil Wayne ... whichever you prefer) and head to Chapel Hill Comics.

um, perhaps we were all charming? perhaps. i told a friend how bad i thought he smelled, but also that i would do him if i was gay. i touched him a lot. i talked sh*t about Dazzler. i dunno, she's ok. i had a very bonding conversation with an ill friend and talked about my nut(s) a lot. he laughed.

J drew a heart in the bathroom with our names in it. soon we were all posing in the can, as i ate a "bathroom cookie" which is not code or anything, it's just a cookie that you are eating close to a toilet. there was no Four Loko left. High Life makes its way into our cups.

so .... i just wrote this super long play by play of the evening, but i said f*ck it, everybody does silly shit when they are drunk and besides, i can't really put all the best stuff in here anyways. there were lil highlights like a woman who referred to our stumbling, loud posse as "3 random Carrboro hipsters" to her friend on the phone, at which point we all yelled things, J and i drowned out by T's "fuuuuuuuck YOU!!" ... i discovered a new way to pronounce (and scream) "Cassis Orange" (much to their disappointment, i am sure) ... a girl told me i was her "nemesis" ... i did a 5 minute long impression of Mike Triplett playing guitar in Fin Fang Foom on the sidewalk in front of 506 ... hahaha, and i did get mistaken for a drummer in some band by someone who should know better, but that wasn't my fault. the point is, i guess, that Four Loko did live up to its name of making me "loko" since the bender that it set in motion was nothing less than epic for me. i have barely been out at all lately because of my fear of the world, and i was certainly "fearless" on this evening. i insulted more people, mouthed off to more chicks, passionately hugged more dudes, criticized more bands (to their face), drunk texted (which i have been soooo much better about in my old age), and overall obnoxiously bounced from conversation to conversation in a way that i haven't in a long time.

unless i got a clear calendar, i'm just gonna stick with these.




really doe.