TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN

dear cocksucker(s),

thank you for your excellent design of hwy 85 in NC. you are an inspiration to us all. i am so glad that you set up a system of confusing highway exits so that a normal commuter such as myself who has driven the same route thousands of times still gets lost on the way back from downtown durham. fortunately, you have made it so that when one DOES miss their exit, they get the benefit of cruising miles and miles without any hope for redemption. nothing like passing the day with big rigs and power lines with no chance for escape. missing an exit could/should/would be considered the fault of the driver, sure, but as a reward for our stupidity, you have given us clueless motorists the benefit of NO MOTHER FUCKING EXITS until we are deep in the heart of what may or may not be hillsborough. i would love to meet you (y'all?) in person and shake your hands and pat your backs and give you money and hookers and bottles of champagne because i truly love you and i have no desire at all to shoot you in the fucking face for the number of times i have had a fucking coronary for being "lost at sea" on your god damn fucking stupid stupid stupid prison of a fucking road. fuck you fuck you fuck you, and i mean that with the best of intentions. may your lives feel like one long and endless journey, much like the one you have created for the citizens of North Carolina.

love,

j waves