dear cocksucker(s),
thank you for your excellent design of hwy 85 in NC. you are an inspiration to us all. i am so glad that you set up a system of confusing highway exits so that a normal commuter such as myself who has driven the same route thousands of times still gets lost on the way back from downtown durham. fortunately, you have made it so that when one DOES miss their exit, they get the benefit of cruising miles and miles without any hope for redemption. nothing like passing the day with big rigs and power lines with no chance for escape. missing an exit could/should/would be considered the fault of the driver, sure, but as a reward for our stupidity, you have given us clueless motorists the benefit of NO MOTHER FUCKING EXITS until we are deep in the heart of what may or may not be hillsborough. i would love to meet you (y'all?) in person and shake your hands and pat your backs and give you money and hookers and bottles of champagne because i truly love you and i have no desire at all to shoot you in the fucking face for the number of times i have had a fucking coronary for being "lost at sea" on your god damn fucking stupid stupid stupid prison of a fucking road. fuck you fuck you fuck you, and i mean that with the best of intentions. may your lives feel like one long and endless journey, much like the one you have created for the citizens of North Carolina.
love,
j waves
Monday, April 6, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
tell em, kanye
so my homey mild davis put me on the 2008 wrap up, which if you don't know what it is, just watch this, the MC formerly known as Mad Skillz doin his rundown of the antics of the previous year (he been doing these for a while now, last year's was AWESOME) .... anyways, i heard the track before i saw this video and i had to google half the things he was talking about ....
i can't believe that ME of all people had no idea about the Soulja Boy/Ice T beef thing .... i like both those guys, honestly, but even though Ice T IS an old ass man, that guy HAS made so many contributions to the game, you can't knock him even though he did make Cop Killer and now he plays one on TV, that's hustlin right?!?!? shouts to all the SVU fans!!! (and speaking of hustlin, peep the video below ..... me and the homey Crash Overdrive from b.e.a.r. doing big thangs, the vid is dark, but you will get the idea) but what inspired me to write this blog is this quote from Kanye ... this is the exact same shit i say to people everyday, not so much the comparing Soulja Boy to Nas part, um yeah, but the general bullet point of "ain't no fuckin rules to this shit" .... it's 2009 mother fuckers!!!!
“Soulja boy is fresh as hell and is actually the true meaning of what hip hop is sposed to be. He came from the hood, made his own beats, made up a new saying, new sound and a new dance with one song. He had all of America rapping this summer. If that ain’t Hip Hop then what is? A bunch of wannabe keep it real rappers that ain’t even relevant, recycling samples trying to act like it’s 96 again and all they do is hate on new shit? Niggas always talk about the golden age but for a 13 year old kid, this is the golden age!!! That song was so dope cause everything he said had a hidden meaning… that’s Nas level shit… he just put it over some steel drums which is also some Nas shit if you had the 2nd album cassette with the bonus track “Silent Murder” on it. In closing… new niggas get ya money$$$$$$$$$$ Keep this shit fresh and original…. ain’t no fuckin’ rules to this shit and that’s what real hip hop is to me”
i can't believe that ME of all people had no idea about the Soulja Boy/Ice T beef thing .... i like both those guys, honestly, but even though Ice T IS an old ass man, that guy HAS made so many contributions to the game, you can't knock him even though he did make Cop Killer and now he plays one on TV, that's hustlin right?!?!? shouts to all the SVU fans!!! (and speaking of hustlin, peep the video below ..... me and the homey Crash Overdrive from b.e.a.r. doing big thangs, the vid is dark, but you will get the idea) but what inspired me to write this blog is this quote from Kanye ... this is the exact same shit i say to people everyday, not so much the comparing Soulja Boy to Nas part, um yeah, but the general bullet point of "ain't no fuckin rules to this shit" .... it's 2009 mother fuckers!!!!
“Soulja boy is fresh as hell and is actually the true meaning of what hip hop is sposed to be. He came from the hood, made his own beats, made up a new saying, new sound and a new dance with one song. He had all of America rapping this summer. If that ain’t Hip Hop then what is? A bunch of wannabe keep it real rappers that ain’t even relevant, recycling samples trying to act like it’s 96 again and all they do is hate on new shit? Niggas always talk about the golden age but for a 13 year old kid, this is the golden age!!! That song was so dope cause everything he said had a hidden meaning… that’s Nas level shit… he just put it over some steel drums which is also some Nas shit if you had the 2nd album cassette with the bonus track “Silent Murder” on it. In closing… new niggas get ya money$$$$$$$$$$ Keep this shit fresh and original…. ain’t no fuckin’ rules to this shit and that’s what real hip hop is to me”
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
drop it like it's not
so as i freak out about my life and what i'm doing and should i move to europe or LA or just kill myself, i am starting to go through my "shit" and determine what i really need to keep and what i need to throw out/give away/burn (oh the poems i wrote in high school, i was so delicate) and yesterday i came across a very heavy box full of my collected baseball cards and stamps (the Garbage Pail Kids are somewhere else, though i am happy to say i still have the ENTIRE first series in mint condition if anyone wants to pony up, like, a couple G's or something for it - and that's "thousands", not "gangsters") and yeah, the box fell to the floor and spilled so i had to go through everything as i put it away, duh, so for serious, there are baseball cards in there that used to be worth $$$ and now no one gives a FUCK!!! remember this one?
what did this fucker do again? cork his bat? and what about this one?
that joint used to have mad trading weight!! now it's garbage. it was listed at 17.95 on one site, which is actually a lot better than i thought it would be, but still, that shit used to cardboard gold to collectors! way to go, you juicer fuck. i have a 1961 willie mays that is only, like, 40 bucks! less i think, i can't even remember!!! why am i saving this shit!!! barry bonds, frank thomas .... skybox basketball cards!! remember those??? rookies for vlade divac, david robinson, shawn kemp ... the david robinson card is 3 bucks!!! "buy it now" for three fuckin buxxxxx ... the fact alone that i have had something in a shoe box since 1990 should make it more than three bucks ... a used tissue from 1990 should be worth more than 3 bucks, that's almost 20 years old!!! it's a fuckin antique!! don't even get me started on the comic books .... everyone wants to slap the shit out of their mom for throwing away that box in the attic with the Nolan Ryan rookie, but why? cause you could have sold it for a million dollars and retired from your job as a copy machine repair man? no way, dude, no one cares. brooks robinson, warren spahn, robin roberts, the eric davis rookie, the rod carews, the mother fuckin will clarks and the carl yaztremskis (sp?) and the error cards and the, uh, i dunno, remember when kirk gibson hit that grand slam or some shit and he was hype for a second, mother fuckin 1986 o-pee-chee Wally Joyner .... apparently my tony gwynn rookie is worth about 40 but i can never find it, wonder if i traded it for bitch ass ken griffey, ruinyourcarrer.
of course, it would be in total Jonny G fashion for me to have all the cards that just don't make it into that first tier, hence all my collections, i was always just not quite good enough or willing to spend the money for the real bangers, always a wannabe faking it like i knew what i was doing, much like the music "career" i seem to have fooled some of y'all that i possess when in reality i am no different than the kid trying to trade his Devon Whites and Willie McGees for Reggie Jacksons and Roberto Clementes .....
what did this fucker do again? cork his bat? and what about this one?
that joint used to have mad trading weight!! now it's garbage. it was listed at 17.95 on one site, which is actually a lot better than i thought it would be, but still, that shit used to cardboard gold to collectors! way to go, you juicer fuck. i have a 1961 willie mays that is only, like, 40 bucks! less i think, i can't even remember!!! why am i saving this shit!!! barry bonds, frank thomas .... skybox basketball cards!! remember those??? rookies for vlade divac, david robinson, shawn kemp ... the david robinson card is 3 bucks!!! "buy it now" for three fuckin buxxxxx ... the fact alone that i have had something in a shoe box since 1990 should make it more than three bucks ... a used tissue from 1990 should be worth more than 3 bucks, that's almost 20 years old!!! it's a fuckin antique!! don't even get me started on the comic books .... everyone wants to slap the shit out of their mom for throwing away that box in the attic with the Nolan Ryan rookie, but why? cause you could have sold it for a million dollars and retired from your job as a copy machine repair man? no way, dude, no one cares. brooks robinson, warren spahn, robin roberts, the eric davis rookie, the rod carews, the mother fuckin will clarks and the carl yaztremskis (sp?) and the error cards and the, uh, i dunno, remember when kirk gibson hit that grand slam or some shit and he was hype for a second, mother fuckin 1986 o-pee-chee Wally Joyner .... apparently my tony gwynn rookie is worth about 40 but i can never find it, wonder if i traded it for bitch ass ken griffey, ruinyourcarrer.
of course, it would be in total Jonny G fashion for me to have all the cards that just don't make it into that first tier, hence all my collections, i was always just not quite good enough or willing to spend the money for the real bangers, always a wannabe faking it like i knew what i was doing, much like the music "career" i seem to have fooled some of y'all that i possess when in reality i am no different than the kid trying to trade his Devon Whites and Willie McGees for Reggie Jacksons and Roberto Clementes .....
Friday, February 13, 2009
classic freestyle
where's your dick? here is a classic freestyle from the famed Living Dead days with the scoundrel Jake Dead (Jake Flex at the time, and still to some) .... no link cause our myspace hasn't been updated in at least 2 years or more ..... we think this is from 2004. this was also when i lived with Uncle Tane, supreme godfather of the Nodcraft Foundation.
i don't think someone had suggested this topic, i think i just went with it ... this is at the old Go! Studios space (did it have that exclamation point in the title? looks so, you know, Panic! At The Disco or whatever the fuck ....)
notice what an MC i am, what with all the hand moving and crooked tan hat wearing ... and the rampant cussing and arrogant MC-on-a-freestyle-tirade voice .... oh, and to think what i have become..... runnin around like a lil fruity dance party kid, my one-balled package smooshed into some scandalously tight jeans, my hi-tops more and fitted hats so much more expensive than my khakis and shelltoes .... i bet some loyal hip hop dudes driving around listening to Hieroglyphics would love to kick me in the shins with their Timbalands ... the sad thing is, i'll still rap so much better than them. sucks, doesn't it?
(ha, i just wrote that to be funny because i don't even care anymore .... i make music. fuck being hard.)
huevos out
i don't think someone had suggested this topic, i think i just went with it ... this is at the old Go! Studios space (did it have that exclamation point in the title? looks so, you know, Panic! At The Disco or whatever the fuck ....)
notice what an MC i am, what with all the hand moving and crooked tan hat wearing ... and the rampant cussing and arrogant MC-on-a-freestyle-tirade voice .... oh, and to think what i have become..... runnin around like a lil fruity dance party kid, my one-balled package smooshed into some scandalously tight jeans, my hi-tops more and fitted hats so much more expensive than my khakis and shelltoes .... i bet some loyal hip hop dudes driving around listening to Hieroglyphics would love to kick me in the shins with their Timbalands ... the sad thing is, i'll still rap so much better than them. sucks, doesn't it?
(ha, i just wrote that to be funny because i don't even care anymore .... i make music. fuck being hard.)
huevos out
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
from my email archives ....
oh gmail, i love you so. whenever i have to email somebody something and they still have a yahoo or hotmail or earthlink (????) account, i just feel sorry for them and their puny, unorganized inboxes. anyways, recent searches through old emails have turned up some gems of correspondence.
10/26/07 - here is an email from me to Pink Motor Monster Uno Dose aka Shane from the Dynamite Brothers. (sorry Mickey, those were tougher times, hit me on my boost mobile and we can talk about it.)
read the bully i just posted off the page .... yeah, saw those emails, we'll see, one of those bytches is fine as fuck! fuck mickey avalon! i met this band Arizona workin at 506, one of the dudes listened to my myspace page, heard the mickey avalon line and said he wasn't fit to lick the jizz crust off my toilet seat! but yeah, no need to convince me, let's recruit em, all day, bo!!! PS male cheeerleaders would be nuts, but don't know how we are going to pull that one off ......
12/06/05 - here is an email to a girl i used to really love and now i want to "accidentally" push off a roof onto something that will cushion her fall enough to just make it hurt really bad and i think she is getting married and i don't "wish her the best" at all but really, i'm just jaded because she doesn't/didn't fall for my shit like other girls do and the one time i could have really given it to her i was WAY too stoned and nervous and young and dumb, so who's fault is that? mine, totally. still, she's a bitch. here is something from an email about her butt, and in it (the email, not her butt) i swear that i "read this on the internet" and i even provide a link (that doesn't work anymore) but to know me and read this ..... it is obvious that i wrote it though i have no recollection of the context. (editor's note: she really does have a super sweet butt, tho.) the subject heading was "8 uses for your ass" and here is the list:
1. pillow
2. oxygen mask
3. bean bag chair
4. tomahawk (?)
5. hand strengthener (kneading mode only)
6. ED visual aid
7. big brother/sister
8. mittens
10/19/08 - as i was lookin for a link to "jizz in my pants", everyone's favorite PMM rip-off (if you don't know what i mean by that, one day i will explain how Pink Motor Monsters are the most influential group that no one beyond 6000 - 7000 myspace friends ever heard of, and yet steered the course of modern dance music), i found a funny email. (editor's note: coincidentally, that was also how i found the first email mentioned here, hence the rampant use of the word "jizz" in this post) here is an excerpt:
i did make my train, but it was soooooo frustrating this morning. there was like a marathon or some race or community running thing goin up the street, people with bike shorts and numbers on their backs and guards (?) or cops or whoever directing traffic, and every once in a while some bearded freak dressed all in black with a huge backpack joggin along with them (never for very far), huffing and puffing and reeking of beer and jizz and 2 days worth of sweaty t shirt. you were right, the walk/jog DID seem like a VERY long time ..... i prob got to gare de lyon at 11:45 .... gino basically said "you got here right when she said you would." he also asked if i Supermanned you. i just said, "ha" or something like that and continued my very fast walk to the train cause i wanted to go to the bathroom.
***********************************************************************
ok folks, stay tuned for more blogs like this and some more music promo action soon, as well as a link that will blow your mind .... all in the next week, right here on
LIFE
IS
LIKE
MY
COCK
ON
CHOCOLATES!!!!!
good night, y'all.
10/26/07 - here is an email from me to Pink Motor Monster Uno Dose aka Shane from the Dynamite Brothers. (sorry Mickey, those were tougher times, hit me on my boost mobile and we can talk about it.)
read the bully i just posted off the page .... yeah, saw those emails, we'll see, one of those bytches is fine as fuck! fuck mickey avalon! i met this band Arizona workin at 506, one of the dudes listened to my myspace page, heard the mickey avalon line and said he wasn't fit to lick the jizz crust off my toilet seat! but yeah, no need to convince me, let's recruit em, all day, bo!!! PS male cheeerleaders would be nuts, but don't know how we are going to pull that one off ......
12/06/05 - here is an email to a girl i used to really love and now i want to "accidentally" push off a roof onto something that will cushion her fall enough to just make it hurt really bad and i think she is getting married and i don't "wish her the best" at all but really, i'm just jaded because she doesn't/didn't fall for my shit like other girls do and the one time i could have really given it to her i was WAY too stoned and nervous and young and dumb, so who's fault is that? mine, totally. still, she's a bitch. here is something from an email about her butt, and in it (the email, not her butt) i swear that i "read this on the internet" and i even provide a link (that doesn't work anymore) but to know me and read this ..... it is obvious that i wrote it though i have no recollection of the context. (editor's note: she really does have a super sweet butt, tho.) the subject heading was "8 uses for your ass" and here is the list:
1. pillow
2. oxygen mask
3. bean bag chair
4. tomahawk (?)
5. hand strengthener (kneading mode only)
6. ED visual aid
7. big brother/sister
8. mittens
10/19/08 - as i was lookin for a link to "jizz in my pants", everyone's favorite PMM rip-off (if you don't know what i mean by that, one day i will explain how Pink Motor Monsters are the most influential group that no one beyond 6000 - 7000 myspace friends ever heard of, and yet steered the course of modern dance music), i found a funny email. (editor's note: coincidentally, that was also how i found the first email mentioned here, hence the rampant use of the word "jizz" in this post) here is an excerpt:
i did make my train, but it was soooooo frustrating this morning. there was like a marathon or some race or community running thing goin up the street, people with bike shorts and numbers on their backs and guards (?) or cops or whoever directing traffic, and every once in a while some bearded freak dressed all in black with a huge backpack joggin along with them (never for very far), huffing and puffing and reeking of beer and jizz and 2 days worth of sweaty t shirt. you were right, the walk/jog DID seem like a VERY long time ..... i prob got to gare de lyon at 11:45 .... gino basically said "you got here right when she said you would." he also asked if i Supermanned you. i just said, "ha" or something like that and continued my very fast walk to the train cause i wanted to go to the bathroom.
***********************************************************************
ok folks, stay tuned for more blogs like this and some more music promo action soon, as well as a link that will blow your mind .... all in the next week, right here on
LIFE
IS
LIKE
MY
COCK
ON
CHOCOLATES!!!!!
good night, y'all.
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